TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
