drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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