Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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