His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
