Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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