watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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