Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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