I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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