But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
