I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
