I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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