If i come over, it means nothing
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
