It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
