I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
