i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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