Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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