i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
tell me about the fingering
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