2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
