We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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