dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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