i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
