i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
