i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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