I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
