Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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