Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
