what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
