Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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