my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
