Duck Duck Cougar?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
