Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
