The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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