he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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