It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
