Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
