Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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