It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
