i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
