I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
