what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
