i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
