we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
