I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
