You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
