theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
