Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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