I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
