Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
