I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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