why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
