well I can't set my house on fire every night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
