I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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