Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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