peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
