John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
