I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
