I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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