They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
