I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
