as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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