Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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