You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
