i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
