i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
