hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
