Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize