I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
