I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Green mimosas i think yes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
