I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
